HOW TO RESPOND TO CRITICISM
—Mark W. Pfeifer
Invariably, every leader comes under scrutiny and criticism. How we respond to criticism is one of the most important decisions we make. Here is a checklist of things to consider when responding to your critics.
1. Resist the Urge to react immediately. Often, criticism triggers a reaction that is akin to the fight-or-flight reflex. Wisdom requires space. We should pause, pray, and invite the Holy Spirit to search our heart and ensure that we are not reacting from anger or other negative emotions. Many times, our reaction to criticism verifies people’s claims about us and creates a whole new set of problems.
2. Assume there is some truth in what critics say. Even if they are anonymous – and especially if it is someone we may not respect – we must hold steady and listen for any truth that lives within their criticism. Remember, God used Balaam’s donkey to issue a rebuke. He may be testing our humility by sending a person we deem unqualified to issue a needed correction.
3. Don’t use personal intent as a cover. We should not ignore or dismiss our words and actions simply because our motives were right. We shouldn’t say, “That’s not what I meant” and dismiss the claim. Iintent does not nullify impact. Even if we mean well, our actions can unintentionally hurt others. Admitting the impact and taking responsibility, even when unintentional, is a sign of true maturity and humility.
4. Ask those closest to you if they agree with anything that has been said. This assumes you have honest people around you to whom you have given permission to speak the truth without fear of reprisal. This includes a spouse (if married), adult children (if any), long-term friends, and especially elders or pastoral figures who know you well and interact with you regularly. We should avail ourselves of these kinds of voices to help us parse through the criticisms and identify what is legitimate.
5. Confess and repent of things that are true. We should humbly accept any truth in people’s claims, confess it, repent of it, apologize to those impacted, and attempt to make restitution where necessary. Our communication should be proportionate to the seriousness of the offense, its private or public nature, and the size of our platform or influence.
6. Cast off any skewed, exaggerated, untrue, or inaccurate criticisms and seek healing for our souls. After examining the criticism with honesty and humility – and having it affirmed by outside voices of accountability – criticisms that do not apply should be dismissed. Criticism stings, especially when it is public or comes from a former associate. We should protect our souls from resentment, bitterness, and revenge, which often mask deeper woundedness, by placing untrue accusations on the cross of Christ. Carrying these offenses forward can create a whole new set of problems for leaders and the people they serve.
7. Look for patterns of behavior supported by systems and cultures. Sometimes a single criticism is part of a broader pattern. One event may be exaggerated, but several similar events stretched across time may reveal a systemic problem. We should ask ourselves and others: “Is this an isolated incident, or does it echo what others have been saying for years?” If it has been repeated, leaders must undertake the difficult task of identifying systems, structures, and cultures that promote or protect destructive behaviors.
8. Create checks and balances, policy changes, and structural safeguards to avoid similar problems in the future. Once unhealthy systems or cultural patterns are identified, meaningful changes must be implemented to reinforce proper conduct and expose bad behavior. Do not fall into the trap of assuming that only sweeping structural changes will fix the problem. While major reforms may be necessary, smaller, incremental adjustments – practiced faithfully over time – often produce the most lasting transformation. In many organizations, simply enforcing existing policies and procedures can create the safeguards needed to move forward in a healthier and more trustworthy environment.
9. Pray for those who criticize you and find ways to do good toward them. Jesus said, “Love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who spitefully use you and persecute you” (Matthew 5:44). Prayer allows the Holy Spirit to reframe the situation so we can see our critics as people Jesus loves, not adversaries who must be destroyed. We should try and return criticism with kindness, hatred with love, and accusation with generosity. Sometimes a simple act of goodwill disarms hostility, restores relationship, and creates space for mutual understanding. Even if reconciliation never comes, doing good keeps our conscience clear and our leadership rooted in Christlike humility.
10. Allow time for rebuilding trust. Even after genuine repentance and meaningful course correction has been accomplished, trust must be rebuilt slowly through consistent fruit over time. This protects both the leader and the people they serve from further harm, and ensures that restoration is grounded in reality, not sentiment. The Holy Spirit yearns jealously within us, working to shape us into a pure and faithful Bride, fully prepared for her Groom.
This process often starts with a leader under criticism.