What Kind of Double Life Are You Living?
Mark W. Pfeifer
I had a dream last night. I was talking to real-life person I know who had made a great impression on a lot people - only to find out that this individual had a secretly been using again and, consequently, stealing from someone trying to help him. He was apparently living a secret, double life. It appears he was just playing a game with us all…
Or was he?
In my dream I kept asking, “Is this the person you truly are or are you the other person we know?” He never answered my question. So I woke up this morning with that question still on my mind.
All of us have had experiences with people like this. Someone you knew and trusted let you down. You came to find out that they were two-faced. They played one roll in front of you but became another person entirely you were away.
They had a secret life.
They had another persona.
They were duplicitous.
They were living a double life.
They were playing you.
But then I had to ask myself the same type of question. Am I the person I present in public or am I someone else entirely behind closed doors? Am I really any different? Maybe not as extreme as the person in my dream, but am I none-the-less two-faced in my own way? Do I live a double life? Do I act one way in the presence of some people and then act differently in the presence of others? Am I one way at home with my family and another way in public?
If we were honest, maybe we should all be answering the question. Is this the person you truly are or are you the other person we know? Living a double, triple or even quadruple life might come easier than we think.
The Bible makes it clear that only God truly knows us. For instance, Hebrew 4:12 says, “For the word of God is living and powerful, and sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing even to the division of soul and spirit, and of joints and marrow, and is a discerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart (emphasis mine).” The next verse is even more sobering, “And there is no creature hidden from His sight, but all things are naked and open to the eyes of Him to whom we must give account (V-13).”
The Psalmist’s gave God an invitation to perform a personal search and rescue on his true identity in Psalm 139:23-24 when he said, “Search me, O God, and know my heart; try me, and know my anxieties and see if there is any wicked way in me and lead me in the way everlasting.”
I’m not sure any of us really know ourselves completely. Have you ever surprised yourself by what came out of your mouth? I have! I’m like, “Wow, where did that come from?” I’ll tell you where…it came from inside of me! It was there all the time. So before we express too much angst towards someone like the person in my dream, maybe we should examine ourselves first.
“Hypocrite! First remove the plank from your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.”
Matthew 7:5
Christianity has some very real and practical solutions for problems like this. Here is a couple: (1) Honest confession of sins and (2) inviting God into your secret place.
Concerning confession of sins, John’s message at the Jordan River became the opening salvo of the new form of the Kingdom of God that Jesus later fully initiated with His acts of redemption. John’s message signaled how people can experience the Kingdom of God firsthand. Matthew 3:6 says that people came “and were baptized by him in the Jordan, confessing their sins (Emphasis mine; see also Mark 1:5).” In other words, the first step of experiencing the Kingdom of God is being real and honest about yourself without any hypocrisy. Without this kind of transparently, living a life in Kingdom of God is virtually impossible.
From the time of John the Baptist on, honest confession of sin became a cornerstone in Christian practice. About a half century late, James the brother of Jesus instructed the church to, “Confess your trespasses to one another, and pray for one another, that you may be healed (James 5:16).” Two millennia later, the Catholic church still considers confession to be a vital part of Christian practice.
I have found that this kind of honesty and transparency really does bring healing to a person. Being open and sincere about our faults, shortcomings and sins keeps us true to our own being. We feel less pressure to hide behind performances and role-play for the approval of others. After all, if we admit we’re flawed and imperfect at the outset, what more do we have to prove? The powers of hypocrisy and deception have been broken. We’ve already been exposed for who we truly are.
The second thing that my Christian faith provides me to help avoid a double life is being aware of my secret place and inviting God into it. Jesus said, “But you, when you pray, go into your room, and when you have shut your door, pray to your Father who is in the secret place; and your Father who sees in secret will reward you openly (Matthew 6:6).” While the secret place that Jesus refers to here may include a room in your house, I think the greater and more significant secret place is the one in your heart.
We all have a secret place. This is the place where we carry on our inner dialogues. This is the place where we hide our most intimate secrets, fantasies, frustrations, opinions, fears and angers. Without an open invitation for God to come and commune with you in the secret place, it will continue to be a place of torment and distraction. It will create within you a duplicity that will conflict with your true identity and make you double-minded. You will become two people – the one that everybody knows and the one in secret.
“Behold, I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears My voice and opens the door, I will come in to him and dine with him, and he with Me.”
Revelation 3:20
So be honest and truthful about your shortcomings. Don’t be afraid to talk to God and other trusted people about these things. I know it’s ugly. It’s sinful. It’s embarrassing. But the worst things you and I can do is ignore or hide our sins. Let God in. Tell Him everything. Let’s replace our inner dialogues with a healthy openness to God. Let’s let His Word fill our heart with such love and forgiveness, gleaned from the scriptures we read, that all other voices are drowned out.
Confession and the Secret Place! Two great Christian practices that help keep us real!